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When the topic of Emotional Intelligence (EI) or Emotional Quotient (EQ) was first presented, I developed an Emotional Intelligence competency model with emotional self-awareness at the base of the model. The model depicted the necessity of building a solid base of emotional self-awareness before progressing to developing the other Emotional Intelligence competencies (emotional self-management, emotional self-motivation, empathy and nurturing relationships). Yet, in spite of the vital importance of emotional self-awareness, many of us go about our daily activities, unknowing and unwittingly accepting the roller coaster of emotions we experience brought on by today’s challenges. Without recognizing where we are expending our emotional energy, it becomes hard to enhance the other Emotional Intelligence competencies.

We’ve all become so accustomed to today’s escalating challenges that we hardly notice when the heat is turned up. And when we are no longer able to cope with the pace of these intensifying demands, we experience negative emotions, which, in turn increases our stress level. While the detrimental effects of stress are well-recognized, it’s surprising that many people don’t recognize they are experiencing negative emotions, which, in turn, increase their stress.

Beth’s Story:

Because she worked in a technical area , Beth, one of my Emotional Intelligence workshop participants, couldn’t imagine that EI could be important to people’s performance. The idea seemed far-fetched. In addition to her profession’s[s/pin] extremely analytical nature, the organizational culture supported the concept that emotions played no role in her profession. Beth also carried this impression over into her personal life. During our goal-setting interview at the start of the program, Beth indicated that she was not aware of her emotions and they couldn’t possibly be of any significance to her work. Beth also shared that her colleagues were difficult to work with. Because she was detached from her feelings, Beth did not understand the emotional impact she had on others. In addition, Beth’s boss sensed that she was the cause of all her problems. He perceived that Beth’s difficulties were a result of her insensitivity to others, lack of emotional self-awareness and distant behavior.

As a result of the program, Beth began to use the simple, proven EI techniques taught to increase her emotional self awareness. Beth and I met for her first coaching session. With tears in her eyes, Beth shared that she now understood that she did have emotions and those emotions that were negative were negatively affecting her relationships both at home and at work. Beth recognized that when she distanced herself, her colleages viewed her as unapproachable. Beth shared her insight with her boss, in confidence. Before this conversation Beth’s boss was not aware that she had no idea about her behavior and its impact on her co-workers. With this new insight, Beth’s boss was more willing to supporting and listening to her.

Beth’s experience is not uncommon. Many of us go about our daily lives unaware of our feelings and how our feelings might be impacting our relationships. As a culture, we are predisposed to disregarding emotions. We tend to be more focused on getting the work done. We don’t seem to recognize that discounting emotions can be detrimental to effectiveness and productivity.

Without the awareness of the critical importance of emotions, we lack insight into how our negative responses to situations, events and people are affecting us and those around us. Our negative emotions can spark upwards of 1400 biochemical events, some of which result in physiological changes such as increased adrenaline, heart rate, blood pressure and cortisol (the stress hormone). These events negatively affect our physical energy, mental clarity and personal effectiveness. Experiencing these negative emotions can cause us to be highly reactive, displaying behaviors such as anger and defensiveness which may cause others to avoid us. And when others view us as unapproachable, we can loose their valuable help, insights and suggestions.

Where Do You Start?

Start by recognizing when you are experiencing negative feelings. List those times and the situations both at work and at home when you notice those negative emotions. For example, you may feel depressed knowing you’ll have to work late every night this week. Or you may feel frustrated that a deadline is shortened. Or you might experience anxiety when your boss approaches you about a particular project. Identifying and listing these situations helps you realize those things that trigger negative emotions.

Next, develop an emotional vocabulary by naming the emotions the identified triggers evoke. Expand your vocabulary to include positive emotions you experience during fun times. By recognizing and naming your emotions, you will start to become more emotionally self-aware. Over time, notice where you are expending most of your emotional energy. When you find yourself feeling negative emotions, use some simple, emotional management techniques, to transform those emotions into positive, productive energy.

About the Author

Byron Stock, a former engineer and director of corporate education has focused in the area of Emotional Intelligence Training for over a decade. He guides individuals and organizations toward excellence by helping them improve their Emotional Intelligence as a powerful tool to achieve strategic objectives, lead change and create resilient, high performing organizational cultures. Learn about Byron’s quick, easy, proven techniques to harness the power of your EI in his new book, SMART EMOTIONS for Busy Business People available through his website www.ByronStock.com